So yeah, we wrapped up the vocals.
My least favorite FF song these days is Esperanto. (And my favorite, just so you know & just so we keep things cheery, is ALWAYS whatever song is newest. I’m so much more into creation than repetition.) I don’t hate on that song. It’s just that once you’ve played a song a certain number of times, at least for me anyway, it starts to become something else. It’s harder to remember creating it, harder to recognize your own input, harder to know WTF you (read: I) were thinking when you wrote those lyrics. Then one of two things happens. Either with distance and the ability to see the work as a song you decide the song is: a) OMG awesome! I wrote that! or b) not something you would want to listen to had someone else written it. (BOOOO)
So anyway, ESPERANTO. This is a song we wrote at the tail end of recording Raw Yang. We considered recording it then, but decided it still had some kinks to work out. Anyway, it’s the oldest song on this new recording. It’s so much faster than was intended initially, possibly out of boredom, possibly as an attempt to leave the RY pop sound.
I remember when we first played the song live, a visiting songwriter asked me to clarify some lyrics. When I told him “Running with scissors, dripping with charm…”, he looked disappointed. He thought I’d said “tripping with charm.” I made that change.
So last night I’m doing the vox for the recording, feeling totally disconnected from the lyrics, wondering how I came up with the melodies and what mood I’d intended… And I decided to just go for it, to just sing it as well as I could as best as I could reckon the me that wrote it would have wanted to hear it. Because in the end, I feel as though my goal is always to create songs I’d want to hear, even for slightly younger versions of myself. Then with Nick’s backups and guitar solos, it seemed to all come together.
While Nick was guitaring, Ben and I wandered around the building exploring. He found a hole in the wall that looked like a turtle plowing his way through. I found a baby bear cave. I also tested different areas of the building for zombie-proof levels, deciding the safest bet would be the area with its own huge metal sliding door, sadly on the complete opposite part of the building from our space.
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I totally know what you mean about distance from the song’s creation obscuring the role you played in it. Objectively, I can look at songs my band’s written and say “I came up with those chords” or “I wrote that violin part,” but once it’s a completed song and we’ve played it over and over, it just takes on a life of its own. Which is cool in a way, but it also makes me feel less proud of it.